Saturday, May 30, 2015

Justine's Journal #41

Justine is currently up north visiting her brother. Because she desires to spend every moment she can with him, she has not submitted an entry for this week ... but will catch up next Saturday. 


Here's wishing her a wonderful time!


xxx

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Justine's Journal #40

52 Weeks 500 Words


This is how it began: Justine (not her real name) decided to write 500 words (or as near as), anything goes, per week for 52 weeks. She would then submit it for anonymous posting, via me, her friend. Perhaps a pattern will emerge from her words, but at this stage it’s more an experiment I have agreed to share in. I’ll attempt to draw conclusions at the end of this. Stay tuned if this resonates with you.

Week 40

"It’s Monday and I feel fearful today. I am writing those words now, because I know it will pass (or I’ll force it to pass) and I will gloss over this feeling, ignore that it happened.

It’s Tuesday and I deliberately opened this document, knowing what I wrote yesterday, to gaze for a while at these words. Fear did pass, as suspected, and now I find recording the feeling has left a sour taste in my mouth. I am such an idiot, for there is nothing wrong with admitting how I feel.

It’s Wednesday and I have to tell you yesterday I just closed the document because I did not know what point I was trying to make. Actually I still don’t, but now this daily sequence format has me wondering. Usually I start a post midweek and work on it now and again until the final tweak on Saturday when I email it through for uploading. Sometimes, I admit, I write it on the Saturday before sending, but those don’t happen so often. And now this. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday? What am I meant to learn? What prompted me to change the format this week? Fear has something to do with it, I think. Fear of what?

It’s Thursday and last night I found myself stopping what I was doing on many occasions to examine my inner self. I wrote the word fear on a piece of paper and stuck it to my fridge to prompt me. You must understand, the issues I share in this online journal are the broader concepts that serve to affect me on a weekly basis. As mentioned before, I have a journal now, an actual book, and every night I write the day’s real and immediate feelings in there. The small stupid stuff, the emotions I think are not worthy of telling anyone about. I don’t reread them to compose a post; in fact I have never turned back more than two pages to see what I wrote before. At this point, for me, going back isn’t the best idea. I don’t want to see what was, I prefer to move forward, so I purge nightly and go on. Now this. This morning I realised what the fear was about, after a restless night. I fear being alone again.

It’s Friday and I haven’t heard from my partner in two weeks. There is the fear. He left on a family thing for the east coast, driving, and I heard, via a text, he arrived safely and then no more. Is this relationship coming to an end? Have family told him this has no future, to let me go? Has it now run its course? He doesn’t answer my calls and now I no longer phone him because I’m thinking this makes me too needy and will chase him even further away. I could have said this on Monday, but I realise I could not admit to this fear and then go on and cope with life around me. Tears drip onto my desk at this moment, for I wonder now how I will cope having shared the words that signify change.

It’s Saturday and I will soon email this. I toyed with the idea of deleting this document and writing something else, but now I think my feelings may help someone else and I choose to let it stand.

At two this morning loud knocking woke me and I found my man standing at my door. He lost his phone! He could not remember my number, for the only place he recorded it was in his phone! He has been through hell trying to let me know all is well!

See how we jump to the worst conclusions first? We judge too quickly when we should allow time to tell us the truth. All is well and now there is no more fear."



Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Super!

This is how I feel right now, and why? Because I am writing so fast, so much, I am breathless! A super feeling :)

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Justine's Journal #39

52 Weeks 500 Words


This is how it began: Justine (not her real name) decided to write 500 words (or as near as), anything goes, per week for 52 weeks. She would then submit it for anonymous posting, via me, her friend. Perhaps a pattern will emerge from her words, but at this stage it’s more an experiment I have agreed to share in. I’ll attempt to draw conclusions at the end of this. Stay tuned if this resonates with you.

Week 39

"We have been discussing creating a book from these journal entries. At the moment, between Elaina and myself, we’re thinking of putting all the posts together and then adding commentary below each entry, along with relevant tags (anger, insight, joy, frustration and such) to explain state of mind at the time. Each week will receive a chapter heading to explain the concept delved into.

What do you think? You do realise, any comments you make here will land up in the proposed book, as will this journal entry – the latter feels sort of odd to me, discussing a book in a book.

We do realise we are two friends about an experiment. In no way are we experts at emotional untangling, or psyche doctors, but we thought others may learn from us as we bumble around. While both of us are serious about this, we do not pretend to have answers that fit for all.

The notion is in fact daunting, because much went into the soul searching and it has been hard to share, and yet this isn't my name and no one will ever know (besides my closest friends) who the subject of Justine’s Journal is. Elaina at one stage suggested we do a reveal at the end of the book, but, sorry, I am not comfortable with that at all. I prefer my anonymity, but I am also quite happy (now) for others to take my ramblings and possibly find something in them that may help.

Now I find myself laughing. When I pop this entry off to Elaina for upload, she will wonder if I’m doing the right thing in revealing our intentions. (Got you, right, E?) We are, after all, merely discussing the likelihood; it isn't yet an absolute decision. I’m thinking, though, if anyone does comment at this point, it will serve as added impetus.

It’s amazing how colder weather creates new ways of thinking. Yes, finally we are heading into winter here. Rain is still scarce, but no doubt it will come soon now. The days are much shorter and nights are decidedly chilly, although our days are warm still. We still have to duck the sun and water gardens and fill bird containers until the rains do arrive, but nights are now spent in greater introspection as they arrive earlier and seem unending. I think this is why Elaina and I started talking about a book. We have more time to think now, for when the sun is hot and out, who wants to sit behind a computer? 

Have a good weekend, everyone, and a lovely week, until we chat again.


Friday, May 15, 2015

Opening new doors with Tirgearr Publishing

Hello, everyone! You may know after one of my previous publishers closed doors, three of my books were accepted by Tirgearr Publishing. I am pleased to announce the edits and  cover tweaks are now all complete and my books are again online! New doors have now opened, and here's to a grand adventure :)

The Tinsal Deck, Latticework and A Tear in the Clouds are now available for pre-order and will be officially released on 5 June. In the next few days all links here and on other sites will be updated - meanwhile, pop on over and have a look!





xxx

Monday, May 11, 2015

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Justine's Journal #38

52 Weeks 500 Words


This is how it began: Justine (not her real name) decided to write 500 words (or as near as), anything goes, per week for 52 weeks. She would then submit it for anonymous posting, via me, her friend. Perhaps a pattern will emerge from her words, but at this stage it’s more an experiment I have agreed to share in. I’ll attempt to draw conclusions at the end of this. Stay tuned if this resonates with you.

Week 38

"Remember the post about the premonition I had about my brother? Remember the dream about Lotto numbers? Today, as I sit to write this, I’m wondering about these events anew. I've been reading some new work Elaina sent me (and if you know her work, you know premonition, dreams and visions form a part of it) and something she wrote has put me to thinking. It was about the concept understanding, the feeling something rather than the knowing, although the two go together, of course.

Feeling something rather than knowing. Now isn't that just a humdinger. We tend to think we need to know something first before accepting the feelings that go with it. And when we do sense (feel) something, we think we must research the thing to know the thing before trusting what we sensed. Like me with my brother. I said I would investigate this premonition phenomenon and then post about it. Because, let’s face it, I didn't trust my ability to simply sense something was wrong. I have to know how it’s possible.

Well, let me just say here my investigations have led me to the point where I understand it’s feeling something rather than knowing, and to trust my inner voice, to allow for the likelihood instincts sometimes kick us into gear. This isn't an entry about premonition and I may now never do so, because there is no logical answer. It’s a feeling. It’s not a knowing. And, knowing it’s not a knowing, the knowing and the feeling go together, if you understand my meaning J

The reason I ponder the two events mentioned, besides having read the prompt in Elaina’s work, is due to another small event that happened to me this past week. A small thing, but my stomach sort of hollowed out and got me to thinking. (Maybe not so small a thing, then)

I was driving in the suburbs around me and took a turn I rarely use (on my way to a dentist) and as I started pulling at the steering wheel I saw in my mind’s eye a little hairy dog run across the road. Instinct made me slow down quite a bit and, as I turned the corner, there was a dog running across the road indeed. Had I not slowed, chances are I would have hit him/her. The dog wasn't hairy and it was bigger, but a dog was running across the road where I saw it would.

Right, so my stomach caved in; this was quite a thing. Déjà vu? Premonition? Instinct? Vision? The universe telling me to slow down when taking a corner? Heaven knows, but I tell you now categorically, from here on out I intend to listen to my feelings, however they end up being presented to me, whether sight, sound or a shiver over skin.

I learn something new daily. How absolutely magical."


Your Ridiculous Sword Name


Tuesday, May 5, 2015

On Typing


When I started this writing journey, it was via long hand and scraps of paper. Next up was a manual typewriter, something like this one. I did not know how to type, never took the subject at school, but I tell you, this baby forced me to learn FAST!  :)

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Justine's Journal #37

52 Weeks 500 Words


This is how it began: Justine (not her real name) decided to write 500 words (or as near as), anything goes, per week for 52 weeks. She would then submit it for anonymous posting, via me, her friend. Perhaps a pattern will emerge from her words, but at this stage it’s more an experiment I have agreed to share in. I’ll attempt to draw conclusions at the end of this. Stay tuned if this resonates with you.

Week 37

"Have you looked at your old photographs recently? The photos from the days of your film camera, those spools you saved up for and then developed when you could afford it? How much easier the digital age is when it comes to photos! Although, let us admit, having tangible pictures in an album or a box somewhere has far more value than a host of files on a computer. Those of you who have never been in that place, have been taking photos with a digital camera from the start of your recording instincts, cannot understand this. It isn't wrong; your journey is merely different.

I did it a while ago. I hauled out boxes of photos and spent hours going through them. Yes, if you remember, this was an attempt to create order from chaos, to put everything into a niche for ease of future reference. Most of them are now ‘sorted’ but it isn't yet finished. This, though, isn't the focus of my post.

I smiled over images of times gone by, laughed, cried a bit too, and the strangest thing is how viewing a photo is able to take you right back to the moment. I could smell the surroundings as my fingers caressed the shiny substance, and I could hear the noises at the time, I could feel the emotions of the one taking the picture. It was so real, it did cause smiles, laughter and tears, because I was again there. This is the beauty of an old photograph. Memory is the strangest thing. We never really forget anything, but the layers of life do tend to obscure them after a while. With concerted effort we may drag a pertinent memory from our recesses, but it is an effort in most cases. Something like hypnosis may bring it out faster, but as I've never been hypnotised, I can’t comment.

A photo is memory. The visual can nudge us into a time passed and we are again, for a few moments, right there. It is magic, in my opinion, the magic of our souls, because we never do forget. Sometimes we just need a bit of a nudge. A digital image, of course, is also a photo and a memory, and yet I find it doesn't quite achieve the same result. It isn’t tangible. Maybe I’m wrong, but it’s as if the thing in your hands creates sensations that travel along your nerves to your memory banks. Perhaps I’m being fanciful!

I love my old photos whether organised or now, and in a year or so I’ll go back to remember. It is not the past I seek, though, for we should not live in the past. It’s the ability to remember. We are after all formed of all those moments. I had some really good moments, and I don’t want to ever forget them.

Go on, haul out your stash and see what happens for you." J