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Justine's Journal #19

52 Weeks 500 Words

This is how it began: Justine (not her real name) decided to write 500 words (or as near as), anything goes, per week for 52 weeks. She would then submit it for anonymous posting, via me, her friend. Perhaps a pattern will emerge from her words, but at this stage it’s more an experiment I have agreed to share in. I’ll attempt to draw conclusions at the end of this. Stay tuned if this resonates with you.

Week 19

'And here we are in the days after Christmas. We still have New Year to deal with, but the big day is now behind us. For my part I discovered that my change in attitude actually helped me accept the day for what it can be. In fact, I strove to make it come about, simply by smiling more.

Imagine then my absolute surprise when my brother (I haven’t seen him in eight years and last spoke to him around five years back) phoned me out of the blue and told me he’d be nearby and would I like to spend the day with him? I said yes, and we had a really wonderful time!

Did my change in attitude bring this gift to me? This is what I now sit and ponder. Do we open ourselves to good things when we begin to regard situations and times with a more open eye and mind attitude? I believe so.

Always I've said if you think positive you’ll become positive, but this is the first direct proof of what a change in thinking, a change in how I look at things, can make happen. Proof positive indeed! Having decided to let go of my negativity surrounding Christmas, I was open to receiving. It’s not about reward, know that, but it is about a natural flow of energy. And I spent the day with my brother! How absolutely wonderful.

Next is New Year. This has always been a time of ambivalence for me. On the one hand it means the season of goodwill must end (although, for me, that ‘goodwill’ thing has been missing for years) and on the other it means the old year can now be left behind and a new start made. If the old year was filled with trials, then I look forward to starting again. If it was good before, I wonder if it means the new year holds all the trials I managed to escape in the one past. Are we not the strangest creatures? Always with the complications.

I’m aware, if you actually seek new and old, we should look to the seasons for renewals and endings, not at a calendar invented by man to mark days. New Year’s Day isn’t actually new anything, looking at it from Earth’s point of view- for us here in the south, the season of renewal begins in September. All of this is relative now, and isn't the point I’m trying to make. As a society, generally speaking, New Year is New Start, and most of us in fact tend to take stock then.

Do I make those resolutions meant for New Year? I don’t. I feel we cannot allow a list to determine our way of thinking and being. Real resolution comes from within. Have I made resolutions for 2015? I have, and it is about the natural flow of energy. Between me and you, in relationships, in life, that sort of thing. Positivity.

Some may call that LOVE. I’m holding thumbs for the good stuff.

Happy New Year!'

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Justine's Journal #18

52 Weeks 500 Words

This is how it began: Justine (not her real name) decided to write 500 words (or as near as), anything goes, per week for 52 weeks. She would then submit it for anonymous posting, via me, her friend. Perhaps a pattern will emerge from her words, but at this stage it’s more an experiment I have agreed to share in. I’ll attempt to draw conclusions at the end of this. Stay tuned if this resonates with you.

Week 18

'Here in the southern hemisphere summer has arrived. Already everything is drying out from ever-present wind and, of course, the heat. Every day we hope for a little rain to ease the dryness, to help our gardens grow … to feel renewed.

I remember, as a child, how summer thrilled me. Time for the sprinklers to go on, time for swimming, for cold juice and ice-cream. Screaming on the beach, playing in the waves, building sandcastles. As a teenager it was about the tan, the bikini, and boys, of course.

Now, older, wiser, I wonder at our stupidity. Had we stayed out of the sun more, we’d have less freckles now, less skin damage. Still, looking back, those days were bliss, and skin damage isn’t so bad given the days of glory we experienced.

It’s holiday season and the beaches are now crowded with sun worshippers. Today I shake my head and think to myself it’s all rather pointless. It’s not the sun and sea, for I understand the pleasure kids receive from a day out, it’s the crowds. Everyone does the same thing, flocking to the nearest stretch of beach sand to spend the day with hordes of others. It’s pointless, because how do you know yourself amongst so many? How do you grow your personality when, for the most part, you find yourself competing with others doing exactly what you’re about?

I hear you say ‘but you did the same’ once upon a time, don’t therefore judge. The truth is I never went where the crowds were. It seems to me whenever we went to the beach as kids, it was a lonely place and the entire white expanse was ours for an entire magical day. For this I must thank my parents; clearly they preferred the silence. Yes, as teenagers, there were many of us congregating, but again, we chose quiet places. Perhaps it was my luck to know friends who thought like me, choosing privacy over public displays, and perhaps I chose in that manner because of the way I was raised.

I prefer privacy. When I go to the beach now, it is in the evening when the light is spectacular, the temperature bearable, and the sand is filled only with footprints. Of course, often I am not alone in this choice and others are about the same actions at that time of day. We greet as we pass each other by … and move on to enjoy the solitude.

I’m not yet in my elder years, in case you were wondering, and many of those I do greet in passing aren’t either, it’s simply a choice made that fits. It is a time to enjoy late evening sunshine, balmy air, and witness the almighty display of a sunset.

Why am I writing about this, you ask, beyond proving my preference for privacy? It’s the rain, see. When it does rain here in summer, suddenly everyone abandons the outdoors. The beaches are empty, the malls full. Public display moves elsewhere.

And then I wander the lonely stretch of sand in daylight under glowering heavens with freshness all around, with rain drumming upon my shoulders. It is still warm – it’s summer! – and the smell of water and dry earth meeting is beyond every description. I am renewed, as the land is renewed.

Do I like summer? In the evening when all is quiet, indeed, and, absolutely yes, when it rains. Why? Because it isn't pointless, it is renewal. It is knowing myself.'

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Justine's Journal #17

52 Weeks 500 Words

This is how it began: Justine (not her real name) decided to write 500 words (or as near as), anything goes, per week for 52 weeks. She would then submit it for anonymous posting, via me, her friend. Perhaps a pattern will emerge from her words, but at this stage it’s more an experiment I have agreed to share in. I’ll attempt to draw conclusions at the end of this. Stay tuned if this resonates with you.

Week 17

'Life is definitely a rollercoaster! Up and down with wide swings and narrow turns. I've gone back and had a look at previous entries and, you know what? I come across as a bit of a whine. I seem to be a rather negative person … at least, I sound like one when I’m writing my feelings down.

I don’t like that. Right, that’s another whine for you. Still, I don’t like that about myself, for I've always believed I’m a rather positive kind of person. Fine, understandably, that idiot who decided to stalk me, that would make anyone negative and cause absolute distrust with surroundings and people, and yet I should be able to move forward and be more positive. That, after all, was a life experience, the kind that teaches lessons. The learning is itself a positive attribute. And now I find myself smiling, for I do believe the lesson just came home! And as I haven’t again heard a peep from the quarter, I think I’ll take it on board.

There it is. The more positive outlook. I know life is hard and each of us needs to deal with so many issues, circumstances, emotions and situations, and I’m aware this is why we sometimes sound negative to others- when a friend asks how you are, do you say ‘fine’ or do you actually tell your friend the truth? You’d tell a real friend the truth, the bad stuff, how terrible you feel etc, and that might make us appear whining. How enlightening. Enlightening, because it now occurs to me that to be regarded as a positive person by others, including our real friends, do not tell the truth.

That can’t be right. This is a concept that requires more soul-searching, I think. I’ll do so and let you in on my conclusions when I have them. At this point, however, allow me to say I’d rather be seen as a whine than be less than truthful with those who matter, as I would prefer them to tell me their ‘bad’ stuff no matter how that makes them appear.

Let us celebrate honesty first! The rest we can figure out as we go. And that, friends, is actually a positive attitude. Hmm, I’m quite proud of me right now.'

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