Saturday, August 30, 2014

Justine's Journal #2

52 Weeks 500 Words

This is how it began: Justine (not her real name) decided to write 500 words (or as near as), anything goes, per week for 52 weeks. She would then submit it for anonymous posting, via me, her friend. Perhaps a pattern will emerge from her words, but at this stage it’s more an experiment I have agreed to share in. I’ll attempt to draw conclusions at the end of this. Stay tuned if this resonates with you.

Week 2

"After the first time writing again after a very long while, I wanted to go crazy and just write write write! So many thoughts swirled in my mind and I needed to record them immediately. I resisted the temptation, however, in order to have something to say the next time I sat down to be honest in my recording. And now I’ll let you in on a little secret. I wrote nothing for many days, couldn’t be bothered. Having ignored the prompting, I also lost the will.

Cold and damp has depressed me quite a bit, but this day is sunny and warm and suddenly I have so much energy. Spring clean! Yes, I went there for most of the day, airing stuff out and so forth, and barely found time to sit and do this. Strange isn’t it, how physical action is able to overtake what the mind is. Conversely, and I know this too well, the mind can entirely ignore physical action. The trick is to strike a balance. No mind, no energy, but no action, no energy either.

Why could I not be bothered to write? I wasn’t alone. This proves writing is in fact a solitary choice, that the personalities of others tend to curtail our thoughts. We begin to react to them and thus lose a bit of ourselves. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, for there are times when a community/family, together with all the personalities, is actually enjoyable, and also imperative to long term mental health. Everyone learns one from the other. No one is ever entirely without the need for companionship. But in short doses for a writer! We do thrive in a quiet space.

Today was an upbeat day. When I returned to edit and tweak this I made note of what brought on a good day and what heralded a gloomy day. I’m hoping for some insight into myself. We all need to evaluate ourselves, don’t we? We all have different means of doing so. This is one I aim to see through. Always I have been guilty of never looking at myself as objectively as possible. The bystander, the witness to a life. How very sad. I begin to wonder if this will in any way impact on future choices and decisions. Will knowing myself better force me into absolute change? Or will knowing I’m not so bad off fill me with the kind of relief that allows me to go on as I have to date, only with a clearer idea of what makes me tick? Ha, the results at the end of this might just surprise you and me both!

It’s time to talk about something different, and I’m thinking music … because I’m listening as I write. Stay tuned! Next time, I promise, I’ll tell you about music."

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