Saturday, June 13, 2015

Justine's Journal #43

52 Weeks 500 Words

This is how it began: Justine (not her real name) decided to write 500 words (or as near as), anything goes, per week for 52 weeks. She would then submit it for anonymous posting, via me, her friend. Perhaps a pattern will emerge from her words, but at this stage it’s more an experiment I have agreed to share in. I’ll attempt to draw conclusions at the end of this. Stay tuned if this resonates with you.

Week 43

"Well, it’s countdown to my final journal entry. Ten to go, including this one, I admit I’m starting to feel as if I am about to end something I would prefer to continue! This session of entries began to force me into recognition of self and I was initially frightened of doing so. Had Elaina refused me the space on her blog, I admit it would not have insisted too hard.

Yet, over the weeks, this has come to mean quite a bit to me. I soon realised how therapeutic it is to talk to the ether. It was as if I spoke to everyone and no one simultaneously, and that is pretty liberating. It’s faceless, as I remain faceless. I have learned so much about myself merely by being honest about my feelings.

I will continue with the journal under my pillow, without a doubt!

In a sense, you know me now.

You know I love and respect nature and find much of my inspiration from listening to and watching what happens in the natural world, from birds, rain, sunsets and the little spaces in the grass.

You also know I have acknowledged the sense of premonition we all have and, while I certainly don’t claim knowing how it works, the feeling is welcome now. Follow your instincts, for that, in my opinion, is premonition.

You have followed my issues with family and I want you to realise, this entry thing? It helped to fix the relationship with my brother, and for that I am eternally grateful.

And, of course, you know about the stalker who nearly caused me to surrender my sense of self, as you know of my new partner (and my insecurities about us!). The stalker is now a lesson learned, while my partner has my heart. I do believe we will be together for a long time, but, if not, I have learned it is just fine to love again. Perhaps we will tie the knot, perhaps not, but these entries will be over before I can share it with you. Pity.

Maybe, in  a year or so, Elaina can post an update!

I post this ‘overview’ now because the final entries, I feel, should concentrate on those final niggling issues we all seem to carry around with us. Not that I have anything planned, for I think my life should determine which thing becomes important at a given time, but I will be looking out for it and then tell you what I think.

Maybe it will be about my frustration with my cooking skills! Yes, an issue for me. I have always thought I do okay in the kitchen, but now that I am cooking for a man again, I doubt myself. How crazy is that? It is, of course, not about cooking, but about my own insecurity, therefore an issue needing honest examination. And there, in those few words, a niggle is laid to rest without having to try too hard. Just acknowledging my insecurity sets me on a path to healing! A journal REALLY helps!

Catch you next week. Stay safe and well until then."

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