Serenity of books

Justine's Journal #46

52 Weeks 500 Words

This is how it began: Justine (not her real name) decided to write 500 words (or as near as), anything goes, per week for 52 weeks. She would then submit it for anonymous posting, via me, her friend. Perhaps a pattern will emerge from her words, but at this stage it’s more an experiment I have agreed to share in. I’ll attempt to draw conclusions at the end of this. Stay tuned if this resonates with you.

Week 46

"Hello, everyone. After last week’s post about feeling a failure and what I would do to change it, well, here’s how it went.

Remember I said I would concentrate on the little things that make me positive again?

I went outside and listened to the birds and refilled their food stations, and that made me smile. All good.

I tried to edit, but really couldn’t concentrate, for there was too much going on in my mind. But I tried and that gave me a sense of accomplishment. I also saw an issue in the story line I need to address, which means I looked at my manuscript at exactly the right time and in the right frame of mind in order to notice it. Well done to me.

I phoned my brother and we ended up having a loooong chat! Wonderful!

I did watch a favourite movie … but felt guilty after. Ha.

And then the meal I said I would cook, with the intention of sharing it with my partner, and in the spirit of those good vibes to move onto cuddles after.

Generally, as you can see from above, my mood improved (except for the movie thing, it worked) and I was therefore ready to really enjoy the evening. I chose to make lasagne, because my partner loves it, and garlic bread, because I love garlic bread, and a leafy salad to break the richness of the meal. Around an hour and a half before he was due to arrive, I started the prep. Music up, glass of white to hand, the cooking process got underway. I don’t know if the radio felt my mood, but somehow just the right music blared out and soon I was dancing and singing along, sipping at my wine and really getting into it.

Yes, I was happy, felt I had not a care in the world and life was just good.

My partner arrived and everything crashed. An excellent mood descended into darkness.

Something went wrong in his day, something beyond his control, and it did not sit well with him. He was frustrated and not in the mood for laughter. Now, I understand this happens to all of us, that something to bring us down, and I know we unintentionally project our negative feelings onto those closest to us. I have done this to him, too. Usually we soothe the other’s mood, support them until they are ready to step out and let it go. He has done this for me as well. This is, after all, part of what makes us human, we have feelings of negativity, and we know empathy also, and we deal with each other.

Unfortunately, he did not know I was in the middle of trying to lift myself out of a sense of failure. I immediately felt let down. Yes, you guessed it, we argued. Instead of understanding each other’s needs, we ended up throwing insults.

He left without eating and I parked the prepared lasagne in the fridge somewhat viciously and went off to bed, alone.

Days later, as I sit to write this, I understand two things.

First, I suffered under the delusions euphoria creates in us. I have spoken of this in an earlier post. Too much ‘happiness’ leads to blindness to how we are really feeling. I was actually high on my sense of release from failure and therefore expected everyone to fall into my bliss. Instead of being empathetic to his needs and helping him back into a good mood, I lashed out at him for not joining me in my state of euphoria.

Second, anger is a terrible thing. It is destructive. We say things we do not mean, merely seeking to hurt. In the aftermath, I realised my hurt caused me to lash out, and no doubt his did too.

This is the longest post to date, far more than 500 words. Well, just shows how this affected me. To end it, there is this.

We had the lasagne for Sunday lunch; we apologised to each other and moved on. BUT. Some words were hurled which will take a while to overcome. On Wednesday I sat him down and said we need to talk about it in order to move on without the niggles in our thoughts. He agreed and we are talking and we are also fine. In fact, we are learning new things about each other now.

Be wary of euphoria and keep compassion ever at the fore of your being. It avoids much misunderstanding. And that is my two cents this week!"

Emotions we can't explain

The Ending of Reaume

Lore of Reaume encompasses four books - The Kallanon Scales, The Nemisin Star, The Sleeper Sword and The Dreamer Stones.

The Dreamer Stones is now available on pre-order, release date 17 July!

Yay, this completes the Lore of Reaume series! It's wonderful to know all four will now be available. All the years of hard work have finally become tangible :)

Amazon

Smashwords

Bilbo's half quote :)

Neil Gaiman: On Fiction

Don't do these 18 things abroad

Justine's Journal #45

52 Weeks 500 Words

This is how it began: Justine (not her real name) decided to write 500 words (or as near as), anything goes, per week for 52 weeks. She would then submit it for anonymous posting, via me, her friend. Perhaps a pattern will emerge from her words, but at this stage it’s more an experiment I have agreed to share in. I’ll attempt to draw conclusions at the end of this. Stay tuned if this resonates with you.

Week 45

"Do you sometimes feel as if you have failed? It could be in a task, a responsibility you undertook, as a friend, in your work, your personal life? Of course you have, for all of us sometimes doubt ourselves.

This was my week, unfortunately. I feel as I have failed. Just admitting it makes me feel terrible. Yet it wasn’t in a task or responsibility, or a relationship. I failed myself. I have this week utterly doubted myself. Every positive feeling I have worked hard at attaining meant less than nothing. Yes, I wanted to crawl into bed and stay there, never to emerge again, for I am a failure.

When I sat to write this entry, I thought to record something positive, hoping it would jog me from this state of belief. Omission though is also lying, if only to myself. So, now the words of admission pour out instead. While I hope you will learn from this or simply feel empathetic in recognising yourself in here, this journal entry is so that I may reason this all out and change my state of mind.

I stare at the screen now and wonder if a chemical deficiency isn’t causing this negativity. Perhaps the stuff that wires me is defective and I need to have my hormones tested or something. Maybe. I can’t afford to visit a doctor, though, so that won’t help me. If this continues, I may have to acknowledge there is a physical reason beyond my control and then live with it.

Still, I am of the opinion we can rewire ourselves, shift those chemicals around ourselves if we try hard enough, believe in ourselves and give it our all. The process is the same for our physical selves as it is for the intangible parts. Therefore, anything I attempt to do, whether it is physical or emotional, will in the end lead to the same result. Right? Well, that’s what I tell myself. I do doubt at the moment.

I’m sorry, I had hoped to reveal to you a journey, one which slowly over the weeks of entry showed you how it is possible to grow daily simply by being more aware of the inner self. In this I have clearly failed also. Here I sit and dump doubts and it feels as if I have just started this journey and the intervening weeks have not happened.

They did happen! I did learn so much! I fixed so many issues!

Wow.

Oh, now I sound completely disjointed, but do you know what? It just occurred to me the journey is real and I have soul-searched and lip-chewed and I have GROWN. This current state of belief is but a few days in a far larger picture. Why throw what went before away? That would be the real failure. We are not perfect, not ever, and sometimes we doubt. Sometimes the big picture is overwhelming. Sometimes we have to admit we are only human.

Okay, so these few days do not define me. Your few days do not define you either. I acknowledge the bigger picture, but will now concentrate on the small stuff and use them to drag myself out of this.

I will go outside and listen to the birds. I will edit another chapter of my book. I will cook a lovely meal tonight. I will phone my brother for a quick chat. I will veg later and watch my favourite movie without telling myself I am wasting time better spent doing something constructive. I will cuddle with my partner tonight after our meal.

I will fix this.

Thank you for the opportunity to unload. This has given me the willingness to change my doubts and the path to do so. I hope you can find your path, too."

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Writer's Wednesday: Chatting with Daithi Kavanagh

Today we chat with Daithi Kavanagh

Daithi Kavanagh is 56 years old and lives with his wife and two teenage children in Trinity, Wexford. Up to 2012 when the recession hit Ireland he was making a living as a musician. He then went back to adult education and completed his Leaving Certificate in 2014. He is now studying for a degree in Culture and Heritage Studies at Wexford Campus.

While he was studying he began writing ‘The Gun’ which is the first book in The Tadhg Sullivan Series.  His second book in the series called The Brotherhood was released in May 2015. He is currently working on the third book in the series.

He plays guitar and sings in many of the pubs in his hometown of Wexford where he is often joined by his two children Ella and Rory who play fiddle and flute.

In his spare time he likes to walk his two dogs with his wife Caroline.

Welcome, Daithi!

1.      What sparked your interest in writing? Your proverbial light-bulb moment?

In 2012 I found myself unemployed due to the recession. I had worked as a musician prior to that. I took up adult education after that and am currently studying for a degree in Irish Culture and Heritage Studies. While studying English for my Leaving Certificate my teacher encouraged me to write. I started writing my first book The Gun and my teacher would check it for me. It took off from there and with the help of my wife Caroline I finished The Gun. I signed a contract with Tirgearr Publishing in 2013.

2.      Which genre are you most comfortable writing in?

Definitely crime fiction. I’ve been inspired by Stiegg Larrson, Jo Nesbo and  Ian Rankin.

3.      Would you say you draw most often from your own knowledge base when writing or do you research for fresh material?

I always draw from my own knowledge base. I feel it gives the stories authenticity. It is at times necessary to research as there are often things within the story where your knowledge could be limited. But in general I tend to write my stories quite often around my own life experiences. Also I often base the characters on people I am acquainted with either living or dead.

4.      Tell us a bit about your work. How, for instance, do you choose your titles?

So far the titles of my books have always been related to the main theme of the story e.g. in my first book The Gun the whole story grew around one of the main characters in the book accidentally acquiring an assault rifle. In book 2 – The Brotherhood the story revolves around a vicious cult known as The Brotherhood.  I think it’s important (in most cases anyway) that the title gives some indication towards the direction the story is going to take.

5.      We love to read excerpts. Share with us your favourite bit of writing from you latest book.

My latest book is called The Brotherhood and is the second book in The Tadhg Sullivan Series.

She knew nothing of the white van that pulled up behind her, until the two men

grabbed her and bundled her into the back. She’d been jogging along the road, with

her headphones on listening to Mumford and Sons. At first she’d thought it was a

prank by some of her friends. But as the van tore along the narrow road at top speed

and she found herself being tossed from side to side, she knew something much

more sinister was unfolding. She screamed. Suddenly the van took a sharp left, and

she smashed her face against the side paneling. They seemed to be on a long,

pebbled lane. She stared at her headphones, the music still blaring, lying on the

floor, and cursed herself for not listening to her parents, who had begged her to bring

her mobile phone.

6.      Who do you identify with most in your work? And why?

Without doubt Detective Sullivan my main character is the person I identify with the strongest. But most of my characters have a little bit of me in them. To give the characters  more depth I tend to often lend them the darker side of myself as for some reason bright and cheerful people often come across as bland. Where I can I try to use wit to counteract this darkness that exists 

in the characters.

7.      If you could choose who would play Detective Sullivan in the movie or series made from your work, who would it be?

I think the Irish Actor Cillian Murphy would play the part of Sullivan very well as he can portray both strong and vulnerable personas very well (in my opinion) and he has a depth to his character that I think would portray Sullivan very well.

8.      Which four words would you use to describe yourself?

Passionate, controversial, opinionated and left wing conservative!!

9.      Which four words would you use to describe your work?

Honest, controversial, fast-paced and very Irish.

10.  I have to throw this in! That list of favourites we’re all interested in!

Favourite book:           Anything by Arnaldur Indriðason

Favourite movie:         On the Waterfront

Favourite TV series:    Wallander

Favourite colour:         Blue

Favourite food:           Steak and Chips

Favourite drink:          Tea!!

Favourite pet:              Our two dogs Sam and Rosie

Favourite season:        Winter. I love the cosiness of the short evenings and lighting the fire.

Favourite place:         My hometown of Wexford.

11.  Often personal fame and prominence for your work go together, but frequently authors prefer remaining in the background while hoping their work will assume the limelight. Is this true for you, or don’t you mind a bit of fame?

I’d accept the fame if it also brought money with it! But I would prefer to remain in the background as I love the simple home life and be able to go into one of the local pubs in Wexford with my family and play music without all my fans mobbing me!!!!! (LOL)

12.  Tell us about your next book (we love to know what to look forward to!).

My next book is Book 3 in The Tadhg Sullivan Series called The Crucifixion. The Crucifixion is once again a story steeped in Irish history and Irish life. It begins with the murder of a Christian Brother  

13.  What comes next, besides a new book project? A holiday, an event?

This summer myself and the family will be going to Doolin to take in the brilliant traditional music and see again the beautiful Inishere and Inis Mor.

14.  And finally, if you could choose one person, living or dead, you would like to meet, who would it be and what would you ask of that person?

GOD – I would ask him how my books are going to do in the future!!!

Lol, yes, I wish we could all receive insight regarding our work!

Thank you, Daithi, it was a pleasure having you :)

Detective Tadhg Sullivan’s life seems to be falling apart, since being shifted to Clare

from Dublin after falling out with the Minister for Justice and the Garda

Commissioner. His partner, Journalist Helen Carty, has moved out, unable to live

with his bouts of depression and periodic alcoholism. He finds himself once again

alone in a world that doesn’t understand him.

Suddenly Sullivan is knocked out of his lethargy when a teenage girl goes missing

not far from Ennis where he has been stationed. Sullivan is asked to lead the hunt by

the local Superintendent and is catapulted into a world of unimaginable horror. He is

confronted by Lord Charles Cromwell the leader of a sadistic cult—The

Brotherhood—that derives its pleasures from the torture and murder of young

women.

Sullivan’s investigation is once again hampered by political interference. As he fights

his way through one bureaucratic obstacle after another he discovers that The

Brotherhoods tentacles have not only reached into corridors of power in Ireland but,

they are being protected by powerful politicians worldwide.

To cut through this protective ring of steel Sullivan finds himself having to engage

with some strange bed fellows. Which included an ex CIA agent, Simon Horowitz,

who had saved his partners life during his last investigation and an IRA leader, Rory

O’Connor, who has recently been released from prison.

Will this strange combination be able to destroy The Brotherhood before their

murderous reign takes another young life or will Lord Cromwell destroy Sullivan and

everything he loves?

Daithi's Links!