Justine's Journal #49

52 Weeks 500 Words

This is how it began: Justine (not her real name) decided to write 500 words (or as near as), anything goes, per week for 52 weeks. She would then submit it for anonymous posting, via me, her friend. Perhaps a pattern will emerge from her words, but at this stage it’s more an experiment I have agreed to share in. I’ll attempt to draw conclusions at the end of this. Stay tuned if this resonates with you.

Week 49

"Do you feel alone? I know I sometimes do, despite having others in the vicinity. Feeling alone has little to do with people, after all, for it’s a state of mind, not a state of being. You can be surrounded by others and still feel alone.

I thought about this concept this week and I now realise it’s because  belonging comes from  real connection. This is about being able to talk to another about soul stuff. Even when we don’t make sense to ourselves, we know that other gets us. You can bounce ideas off them, you can discuss issues without judgement and you can laugh at things you took too seriously before. Suddenly you realise you belong to a connection, one that makes you feel okay about yourself. You are no longer alone.

These connections are not about proximity. In our technological age we can chat to someone across the world and find someone who thinks as we do and actually make a connection with value to who we are inside. On the flip side, the neighbour two doors down could be your go to person when you feel alone. You and this person may not share social time and events, but your connection may be such that, when you are feeling alone, there is the person who will get you, and that door is ever open to you.

Yes, this week I felt alone. I felt as if no one understood me, as if no one ‘got’ me, as if I was all alone in a big bad world of misunderstanding and misinterpretation. Try and tell those usually closest to you how you feel … and watch their eyes lose focus. Too much sharing! They don’t need the burden of your feelings! They don’t get you. And therefore you feel alone.

I’ve said this before, but really we are very strange. One day we’re up, the next day we’re down. Today we feel valued, tomorrow we feel worthless. Yesterday we were on top of the world, today we wonder what’s the point to anything. Strange. How does it change so fast? What causes such waves in how we see ourselves? There’s no right answer to that, other than to suggest our souls are continuously searching for real connections.

When we find a connection, those up and down waves are still there, make no mistake, but we deal better with them. If it gets too much, we can unload our fears into that connection and then go forth unburdened.

I hope this makes sense to you. To put it simply. I felt alone and then I received an email from someone many thousands of km’s from where I am, and know what? She told me of her struggle and I totally ‘got’ her, because her struggle spoke directly to my feeling of aloneness. By the end of a flurry of emails both of us felt not only better, but empowered! We were no longer alone.

It put a massive smile on my face, I tell you."